dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
