there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drake has all the answers
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
