What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
