This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
