just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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