sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
