This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize