Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
