It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
