I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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