you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
