I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
