Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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