soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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