god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
