I want to walk on stilts...naked
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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