Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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