At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
