Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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