Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
