can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
