I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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