remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
