no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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