My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
