Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
