I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
