I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
