It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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