Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
