I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize