my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
