I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
