Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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