this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
