you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
