why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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