fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize