We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
