you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
