M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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