At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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