so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize