My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
