the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
