Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
