Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
