i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize