You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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