I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
