The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
