Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize