I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
