Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
