are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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