Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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