White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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