R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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