so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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