the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
