i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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