remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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