Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
