the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize