My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
