I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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