yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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