just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
