It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
